When Will This End

Song of the moment: Korn-When will this end.[modified][it aint your fault]

"When Will This End"
Spinning inside rotting away
Something inside of me has been taken away
Feeling my heart breaking in vain
It won't get better now
When will this end?

I can't seem to get away
I feel I'm here so you can play
With my head
There's nothing I can say
I keep feeling like I'm to blame
When will this end?

Hopeless inside alone as I wait
Brewing inside of me enduring this hate
Feeling my heart breaking in vain
It won't get better now
When will this end?

I can't seem to get away
I feel I'm here so you can play
With my head
There's nothing I can say
I keep feeling like I'm to blame
When will this end?

The stress is rising and I can't seem to get away from you
I'm always trying and the my lying always shines right thru

My God I hate this
Always take shit
Can I let this go on?
Why can't I break this
I just take this
As this goes on and on
End!!
When will this end?

I can't seem to get away
I feel I'm here so you can play
With my head
There's nothing I can say
I keep feeling like I'm to blame
When will this end?

So what can i say....another day another mistake. Oh well....divert energy and emotions....i believe the psychological term is projection....lots more bloggin to do.

If i survive

Breathing shallow,I'm slipping away.
Hanging in the gallows,I'm starting to pray.
How careful it was planned to do away with me;
So kill me if you can,But words won't make be bleed.
So what if I survive,And live to tell the truth?
Imagine my surprise,To find me living and so very much alive!

I'll find a new life and hide,If I survive.
But I swear you're going down if I survive!

I'll find a new life and hide if I survive.
I'll find my own place in time if I survive.
I'll learn to forget the crime if I survive...
But I swear you're going down if I survive!

If I survive I'll tell on you.
If I survive I'll tell on you.
If I survive I'll tell on you.
If I survive I'll tell on you....


It rained today. Well, last night actually. But its all wet and cloudy now. The monsoon is settin in. And with it is the depression that sets in around this time every year. Looks like this year will be a repeat of last year and the year before that. Not pleasant.

A lot of memories of late. Different stuff....none of it particularly uplifting. I'm two weeks into my vacations and this already feels like a terminal depression. Maybe i should start walking again. But even that brings back unpleasant flashbacks. But it also brings sleep.

Sad thing is i have nobody at which to direct this anger and frustration. No one to blame.....'cept maybe myself. I guess what i miss the most is not the person but the way it used to be. The conversation. The intelligent conversation. The company. Not the person. Where you're so comfortable, you can call at two in the mornin just to chat. Or be called and not be upset....just rather nice to hear that voice. And to be reminded of it.....is like a slap in the face....a sort of divine taunt. To meet someone again. Smart. Probably smarter. Prettier. Wittier. And the muted wickedness. How i thrive on the wickedness!! :-) And to have it taken away. To realise it just slipped through your fingers. Your fault. Grow up move on. Shouldnt be as tough as the last time. Not gonna let history repeat itself again. Not this time. If i survive.

Rabbits Foot

Been a while since the last post....around three months or so? Well I'm back....Let the ranting begin!! :D So yeah....Last couple o months haven't been terribly productive, but then again they haven't been allthat bad either....so cant complain.....but i will anyway. :D

You know, over the last few months, since somewhere in oct-nov, I have turned into this goodluck charm for women. Well as far as their love lives are concerned anyway. One BIG BLOODY RABBITS FOOT!! I aint kiddin! I swear, I ought to be sainted by some sorority or something! I'm serious, y'all miserable? Single and don't wanna be? Still waitin fer Mr. Right to make an entrance? Or just lookin to get laid? PLEASE, come meet me!! Cos i swear, Within three weeks o meeting me, Mr. Right will be houndin you, old boyfriends will suddely realise what a horrible mistake they have made, friends boyfriends will bring around 'oh so cute' friends to meet you, you'll have the option o pickin which guy you wanna bang for each different night o the week....you get the drift. Ofcourse, I'd be horribly mistaken to think I'D be any one o those guys! Its like any woman that i take an interest in, automatically becomes REALLY REALLY HOT, or just gets plain ol lucky. Hell, nevermind take an interest in, any woman i dont find outright repulsive!

Situation 1:
{Insert your name here}:Hi, I'm , SO n SO's friend.
Me:Hey nice to meet you, what do you do?...... conversation continues......
Three weeeks later....

{Insert your name here}:Oh! you'll never guess what happened last night!!
Me:(sinkin feeling in stomach)Yeah? What? {Insert your name here}:OH i was at SO n SO's party, and I was talkin to and i guess we both musta been a little drunk, but then in the middle o my sentence he leans over and kisses me!! Blah blah blah........ blah blah blah....... Aren't you happy for me!! {big fuckin 'life is so beautiful'grin}
Me:YEAH!! {turn around, gouge out left eye, insert index finger into socket, swirl brains around, replace eyeball in socket, turn back around}TOTALLY!! {nice convincing fake smile}

So yeah....Call me....